it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
