Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
