so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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