White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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