what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
