how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize