Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
