We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
