She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize