I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
