it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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