does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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