I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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