i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
why does every cop we meet know your name?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
