Jerry, you need to find god
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
