the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
