ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
