Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
