I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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