There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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