Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
