I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
