What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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