you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
