this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
