Please, let me fuck your mom
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
