I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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