Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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