at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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