tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
