is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
