and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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