Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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