just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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