Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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