I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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