Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
