i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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