i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Come back. Shots need mouths.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
