I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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