What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
