she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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