just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you traded sex for a burrito?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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