a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
