I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize