I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
