Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
