he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
