Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
