So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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