we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
