using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
