What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I pour the whiskey from now on
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
