it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize