Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
