addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
