We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
