he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
