bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
