so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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