If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just pee around me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
