Your face is a jimmy john
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
