we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
