My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
