apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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