The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
