I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
