I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize