Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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