I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
