I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
