his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
