I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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