here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
