This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
