I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
